Ranger Holly

Well, I don’t even know where to begin on this one. There’s a global pandemic, as I am sure you have heard. Each day is a soup of harsh realities mixed with laughter and making the best of things. It’s a lot of stringing silly ideas together and snacks. Never underestimate the morale-boosting power of snacks.

Life has hit a large speed bump. I was on a big-time roll when I got to Portland. I did The Moth again and it was a glorious taste of freedom. I told a story that was so touching to a couple in the audience that they both shook my hand. I was going dancing with Jenn and I had finally started shooting pool with a rather patient and kind teacher.

Now, home has become the workplace, the gym, the discotech, the restaurant, the bar. The biggest outings are going to the grocery store and walking around the neighborhood.

As a copy editor for a newspaper, I read about the pandemic for 40 hours a week. I have cried, I have prayed and I have done my best to be with the information that is impacting us all. It’s not easy. This is not an easy time at all.

This is a serious situation on all fronts. I have felt guilty in many moments because I am healthy and my primary responsibility in this time is to stay sane. Doesn’t seem like much when people are dying and others are alone and scared.

I’m taking each day as it comes. Each one is new and a place I have never been. This was true before the pandemic and it will be true after. I took for granted that there was ever any certainty in life. Things changed quickly and we were not ready. I was often in a rush and I have tried to rush through this experience as well. I don’t think the option to rush even exists anymore.

I have been writing a poem each day to document this time. I see the ups and downs in the stanzas. Some days are beautiful and bright and some days are pitch black.

Here’s a poem from March 31:

Quarantine poem 15.2

This whole thing is like when your car won't start.
The deafening silence when you turn the key and
N O T H I N G H A P P E N S.

The engine doesn't fire up.
You can't go anywhere.
When you intended to go somewhere.

The panic sets in.
Questions race through your mind.
But really there is just one.
How will I F I X T H I S?

You sweat and your pulse races
because maybe you can't this time.

What I can see from this point is that
if I keep going -- if we keep going -- we may not
fix it but we will T R A N S F O R M.

My unsolicited advice for getting through this time is to find something to create, walk outside for at least 30 minutes, eat your veggies and force yourself to have fun. This won’t fix anything but it will help you keep going. Sending you my love in perpetuity.